freedom

Being Afraid and Doing it Anyway…Not Anymore

It was my mantra for years. Being afraid and doing it anyway.

It was even the tag line of my first blog. (That’s some serious wayback shizz. You can check it out here if you want to meet a previous incarnation of me.)

It was what was true for me. I was terrified. And, not only doing it anyway, but using fear as the primary motivator to propel me forward.

It was exhausting.

And, I’m not doing it anymore.

That’s the good news. I finally feel ready to break up with fear as my trusty companion.

eing Afraid and Doing it Anyway…Not Anymore

The maybe not so good news (at least from a business perspective) is that I haven’t yet fully connected with what it means to be motivated based on anything other than fear.

I mean I know that love is the answer. But I’m still learning to sense when I’m making decisions based on love and when it’s fear disguised as love.

Normally, this time of year, I’d be running a Black Friday/Cyber Monday sale, driven by the fear of running out of money, if I didn’t.

This year though, as you can see, I didn’t do it over here at Eyes Wide Open.

I let the opportunity for a sale pass. Even though I knew we’d make great money on it because there’s pent up demand for LIFT and Money Map, especially at this time of the year, when there are tax decisions to be made before year end.

But, I’m re-orienting my internal motivator — no more fear of missing out, no more fear of not enough, no more fear that something’s wrong.

Yes, it takes more time. (Fear forces fast action, without fear driving me, I notice I’m way more patient and slow.)

Yes, I have to be willing to sit with more of my feelings and emotions. (In the past, I’d take action to avoid the feelings).

And, it’s so worth it.

Instead, I took the energy I would have put into that and built a website to archive and create a history of the first-hand accounts of people’s time at Standing Rock. Without this archive, much of this history would be lost to the perpetual scroll of the Facebook feed.

You can read the reports here.

Plus, I got a week in with my family by blood (you can see us all here) and a night in with some of my chosen family.

Now, back at home in Boulder and ready to discover more about the choices I make when I’m not motivated by fear.

To your eyes (and heart) wide open life and income,

Ali

PS — Do you notice that fear is also your trust companion/primary motivator? Or have you transcended that? And, if so, what motivates you now? (And please don’t just tell me desire — because then I’ll have to ask, how do you know that desire isn’t motivated by fear? Go deeper if you are going to post in the comments. Thanks!)

The Spinning, Worrying Mind + Why This May Help You

One of the things I love about Facebook is that it reminds us about memories from prior years. I tend to live so much in the moment these days that I can forget how far I’ve come, how much things have shifted.

This time last year I was in the midst one of the most challenging times of my life, by far.

I was cleaning up a huge business mess after my former partners turned out not to be the women I thought they were. My daughter was deep in the midst of the hardest part of her teenage years, by far. And, I was beginning to recognize that the man I had hired as CEO of my lawyer training company wasn’t a strong long-term fit and I’d likely have to step back in as CEO, which I have since done.

Facebook sent me this memory, which reminded me of all of it and how much things can shift in one year.

This year, I’m back in Costa Rica, CEO of both companies, and my relationship with Kaia has completely transformed.

The Spinning, Worrying Mind + Why This May Help You

While in Costa Rica for Envision last year (with my then boyfriend Michael, my videographer Robert and Kaia) I made a last minute decision to send Kaia back without us and to stay on for an additional week and go to the Roots Gathering in Punta Mona.

If I had really known what was going on with her at the time, I would not have sent her back. But I didn’t. I thought we were on an upswing in our relationship, and we were. What I didn’t know is that it would have to get worse, much worse, before it got even better.

That’s often the case, and if you are in the midst of a tough time, I encourage you to know and understand that. Just keep showing up, moving forward, and taking care of yourself.

I often remind myself of this quote by John Lennon:

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

I just read the book The Surrender Experiment and it once again reminded me of this truth. If you haven’t read it, it’s a game-changer. Check it out.

So, what does all this have to do with Water + Earth, Integrity and Authenticity?

Well, here I am back in Costa Rica again. This time, as I mentioned in the Love Letter I sent last week, I sent back the guys who traveled with us this year (my new guy friend, Kaia’s boyfriend, and my son) and Kaia and I stayed on for retreat.

Yesterday, in the retreat, we explored the elements of Water and Earth.

Here’s what I noticed that may be relevant to you and your life and your business.

First of all, so often my mind doesn’t want to do the things, but once I do them, my other parts (body, heart and soul) are so happy I did it!

For example, we started the day at the ocean with bodypaints. My mind was judgmental. Didn’t want to get painted. Didn’t want to go in the water and get my hair wet.

Didn’t want to, didn’t want to, didn’t want to.

But I did it anyway (a huge teaching of the surrender experiment, by the way) and my body, heart and soul were thrilled!

A reminder to not listen so much to my mind, as she is often running old programming that doesn’t truly serve. She’s great at solving problems, not so great at running my life.

What that means is it’s my job to give her the right problems to solve and not listen to the stories she spins thinking she’s solving problems that often don’t even exist.

It’s easier said than done, for sure. But the more I practice, the better I get.

Can you relate?

It’s the reason I created the Money Map program. My mind needs me to give her the right questions to ask. For so long, the only question I asked and the main problem my mind focused on was “do I have enough money?” and “how can I get more?”

The wrong questions to ask. My mind would spin for hours upon hours seeking the answers.

I created the Money Map so money would no longer be the compass of my life, and instead become the fuel for my creative dreams. It worked.

Today, my mind no longer spins on money. Not because I have millions in the bank, but because I know where my money is coming from, how I’m using what I have, and because I’ve given my mind the right questions to ask. That’s the power of the Money Map.

Today, I’m able to be in integrity around money and my work in the world, the use of my time, energy and attention, in ways I simply couldn’t before.

I couldn’t be in integrity around any of that before the Money Map because I didn’t actually know what I needed, so I was always focused on getting more. And sacrificing time, energy, attention and even relationships for it.

I thought I needed millions in the bank to be free.

I thought I had to put money first to be responsible.

I thought the ability to earn money was the most important skill to learn.

I did a lot of thinking back then.  My mind constantly spinning, worrying, questioning.

Now, I get to put play at the top of my list and spin poi, instead of my mind.  This picture from Envision captures my very first time spinning lighted poi and I hope to do a lot more of it. It’s way more fun than the mind spin.

This was not imaginable 6 years ago. I was chained to work. Play was not at the top of my list. Self care was barely on the map. And relationships definitely took the back seat.So, I’m curious about you …

What does your mind spin on? Where does worry about money fit into the equation? Are you ready to shift from the question of whether you have enough to clarity around how to use the resources you do have to create the life you really want?

I’m curious about you and where you are on this journey. Send me a note at alexis@eyeswideopenlife.com, I read all the responses I get. Knowing you better fuels what I share here; it is the best way to support you in building your life and income awake, aware and on your terms.

Love beyond,

Ali

PS — I have a cool gift for you. My friend Joanna Lindenbaum asked 25 women to contribute their personal rituals for life and business to this guidebook and she’s giving it to you free. My ritual is something you can use each time you send an important email and I know it will help you have more of the outcomes you desire. You can get the whole guidebook here.

Perfection Not Required

Recently I was in Esalen for 4 days (check out the pictures here) and then leading my Money Map Masters Founder’s Group retreat here in Boulder (here are some pictures from the retreat).

I didn’t open my computer for the whole week.It felt great. And then on Sunday, I got anxious. Probably because I hadn’t yet written this Love Letter, or the emails announcing the end of the discount code for our annual membership offer, or the emails announcing our payment plan options.

Rather than succumbing to it and getting back onto the computer before I was ready, I let it be. I felt the anxiety, tried not to create any story about it, and spent time with my family.

Then, the work week started and I was deep into re-entry with focus on the expansion of the New Law Business Model business model. I’m bringing in a COO so we can go to the next level of growth while I step more into creating content and away from running the company.

I’ve tried to break through this level three times and I haven’t made it yet, but I’m betting the 4th time’s a charm.

So, here I am, sending this out half a week late and remembering (and reminding you) that it’s okay. Perfection is not required here.  Sure, consistency is best in business. If you can send out your newsletter the same day every week, awesome. And, if that’s not a match with your life, don’t beat yourself up for it.

Just get it out when you can and trust that the people who need to get it will.

I am making a conscious decision to not push myself the way I have in the past, to really live my Money Map and put myself first, family second and work third, knowing I have enough.

Pre-Money Map, I would push myself way harder than was really sustainable to make sales, to be “successful” by someone else’s definition and to keep up with the launch whizzes who are part of my peer group.

When I updated my own Money Map last year, I realized that it was not reasonable to have two businesses that were doing regular high pressure launches of products/programs to different audiences. Not without burning myself out.

So, even though I had invested $24,000 in a mastermind designed to support me to take my business to the next level and $15,000 in a launch manager, I decided to take a different path. I chalked those investments up to learning what I didn’t want, and sunk more deeply into what I do.

While I want the work of Money Map and Eyes Wide Open out into the world, it can’t be at the expense of my well-being and my relationships.  Those are priority.

So, I did end up getting out emails about the end of our payment plan, but I didn’t announce the end of the discount, which means I’ll extend it a couple of days. And that’s okay.

When you are in business for yourself, you get to choose what gets done and what doesn’t.

And I hope you choose wisely, putting yourself first, relationships second and earning money only last, with a clear plan to know you have enough so you can.

To do so will require you to get beyond your Money Dysmorphia (the distorted view of our finances that causes us to make poor choices around our non-renewable assets, time, energy and attention) and start making life and work choices from clarity.

My friend Myka did this and she was able to carve out 6 weeks to write her book, trust that she doesn’t need to take on revenue generating work for 3 months and is freeing up the space to live the life she’s always wanted.

Why wait to have the life you really want?

This is the time, your time is now. My work is to guide you to see the resources available to you to live that life today and stop putting it off until you have enough. You have enough now. It’s time to mine it and truly live.

I love you so much. Keep showing up through all of it.  Perfection is not necessary.

Love beyond,

Ali

 

PS — We have 10 spots left in our annual membership using code BOGO500OFF to take $500 off your investment (only with pay in full option) or you can pay over 12 months and get started for as little as $199. It’s our wisdom and experience on your life and income for a full year. Many of our members have been with us for years because they know you can’t find business model building, pricing and packaging, launch strategy, sticky situation management and legal, insurance, financial and tax knowledge anywhere else for this low of an investment. Would love you to be one of the remaining 10 to join us!

SAVE $500 with code BOGO500OFF: eyeswideopenlife.com/membership

START FOR ONLY $199 with payment plan.

 

Can’t we all just get along?

I’m curious … are you feeling a massive shift since the start of the New Year? I am. All of the sudden the people and resources I have been dreaming of and envisioning for the past several years are showing up in my life with a full bodied yes to fully diving in together.

I’m experiencing this sense of “whaaaaattttt? this is all really happening. finally. dreams. coming. true.”

  • A new romantic partner who is blowing my mind and heart wide open.

  • An investor for the lawyer business.

  • An operations manager for the lawyer business with ten years of experience running Eben Pagan’s companies.

  • A partner for the Eyes Wide Open business who I’m not sure I could have even dreamed up, if I was making a list of my ideal partners

It’s all happening. And, I would really love to bring you with me, if it’s a match and you desire to create this kind of alignment in your life and income.

I sense a big part of the key is that I’ve finally accepted that we can’t all just get along because … we don’t. And that’s not only a-okay, but it’s valuable. I can stop fighting for what’s not a fit.

The people and situations that are not a 100% match are dropping away with ease, making space for those that are to fill in.

I didn’t always used to think this. I thought if I didn’t get along with everyone, there must be something wrong with me. And I would fight to get along.

Conflict was rampant in my life and my companies. It tore me apart. Trapped me in drama, self-judgment and tremendous doubt.

I often felt wrong. And bad. And sad. And frustrated beyond belief. I couldn’t understand where I was going wrong. I was trying so hard to do it all so right. And I was failing.

Over the past year, I’ve seen a massive shift in my experience.

Today, I see that my belief that we all need to “get along” was keeping me trapped. I see that I didn’t truly trust that if it didn’t feel good, I could walk away and make space for what does. I thought I was a bad person if I didn’t stick it out and make it work.

Today, there is harmony in my life and my companies. This harmony springs forth from within me and radiates out among those around me. Where harmony doesn’t exist, the relationships drop away with ease, making space for those with which I am in full resonance.

It’s so much easier than the way I did things before.

In the past, I struggled to fix things, sure I could make it better, I would hold on to situations, people and resources that I thought I needed or who I thought needed me. It was a scarcity mentality.

Not anymore.

My new mantra is show up as all of myself, and if it’s not a match, let it go. And fast.

Not to say that it’s always easy. I can still get hooked into patterns of wanting to save people (and thinking I can), believing if I just try a little harder, I can make it work, and wishing it could be different.  I can still sometimes be tempted into the idea that compromising myself to “fit in” is necessary.

But now I can see when it happens quickly, come back to myself and let go of what doesn’t resonate much more rapidly.

I wish the same for you.

Because what will happen is when you let go of everything that is not a match, you’ll either find yourself surrounded by the most amazing people and relationships you can imagine or you’ll find yourself alone and having to face where you were not being the person you want to be and become that person before you begin to rebuild your relationships.

Either way, you are on the path to creating your own version of heaven on earth.

I desire that for you, whether we get along or not.

With love beyond the beyond,

Ali

PS — My son started cotillion today. I love that I am teaching him that he can be a suit and tie kind of guy and I can be a freaky feather wearing kind of gal and we can love each other fully and accept each other completely. Here’s a couple of pictures of his first night: me and him(Facebook); sparkle Noah (Instagram).

PPS — If you have not yet watched our New Year’s Eve Webinar and you want to work with me to fully align your life and income in 2016, this is the time to watch. We are 2/3 full in our program and if we are meant to work together, the time for me to get to know you is now. E-mail me at alexis@eyeswideopenlife.com


And watch the recording of the webinar here to determine if my support to align your life and income in 2016 is in the cards for you.

4 Dimensions of the Life and Income You Want From the Money Map

The first step in creating your Money Map to Freedom™ is to get very clear on what you really, really, really, REALLY want your life to look like.  And not just at one level, but at 4 distinct dimensions.

THIS is where most people sabotage themselves when it comes to designing the lives they really want.  And I’ve done it too. It can be scary to dream into what we really want, so we compromise.  The Money Map™ process of lifestyle design allows you to ease into it and that begins with identifying what you really want on a spectrum from minimum to be happy, preferred if you could afford it, to no limits, and finally, the absolute reality of now.

This article will explain each of these 4 dimensions more fully so you can begin to feel into the truth of your reality, thereby creating the greatest likelihood of actually having it.

[This article is underway and not complete — please check back shortly OR, better yet, sign up for our next Money Map training and you’ll be on our list, so we’ll let you know when the article is complete.]

Minimum to Be Happy:

Preferred If You Could Afford It:

No Limits:

Now:

If you’d like to go deeper in this process, attend our next live Money Map training and get access to the full Money Map Life Planning series as our gift.

Signs You Are on the Path to Liberation

I’ve been told that living out loud with two names and two completely different personas was the worst idea ever.

Confusing.
Horrible for my brand.
And that I should pick one and hide the other, or better yet, kill one off.

Just the idea of that was horrifying. Ali Shanti and Alexis Neely and even Alexis Martin Neely are all integral parts of the whole that is the me that is the awareness above, beyond and around it all. Oneness.

It took everything I had to break free of the conditioning that told me I had better stay in line, say less and hide the “crazies” inside me.

But, I did it because I knew that it would inspire others to do the same
& find their own (your) path to liberation.

the path to liberation

I had no proof of that and some part of me (probably Alexis Martin Neely – she’s a ball buster) even insisted I would just be leading people astray if I told them to truly come out and play.

I held onto my truth though and kept leaning into the fear and the opening of my heart.

In the past week, I’ve received messages from women who are now telling me that just knowing me here and reading my posts and watching my videos has changed their lives and the way they are showing up in the world.

They are on the path to liberation.

A woman from Saudi Arabia. A coach with a big following. A gal who isn’t out of the closet yet, but wants to be and is gaining the courage.

I tell you this, not to brag by any means. But to support you to step ever more into yourself and trust that as you do, riches of the highest value will be yours. Getting those letters from women whose lives have changed because I was willing to go first and talk about is the greatest reward of all time for me. Beyond money. Or any assets of any physical kind.

You know you are on the path to liberation when you no longer have to hide any part of yourSelf. {Tweet It!}

So women (and enlightened men who have joined us here), thank you.

Thank you for saying yes to yourSelf. Thank you for telling me about it. And, most importantly, thank you for telling the people you know by sharing your experience and creating more of a world where no one ever has to hide again & inspiring people to find their path to liberation.

I love you.

And I invite you to share yourself – your stories, your experiences, your crazy, right now in the comments below.