Personal Family Lawyer re-launched

Growing Pains + the satisfaction of parenting well

Yesterday, my daughter turned 23 years old. And, I am beyond happy to report that she’s become a human that I like, love, trust, want to spend time with, think is amazing, and am truly proud to hold out in the world as “my daughter.”

Of course, she’s nothing of the sort. She’s not mine, and never was. As Kahlil Gibran so eloquently reminds us: “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”

Yet, as a parent, there is little more satisfying in life than feeling the relief of “holy cow, I did it. I raised a human who I think is absolutely amazing, and who I trust to navigate life, to be resourceful, to contribute to the world, and to take care of me if I ever need care in the future, because we’re truly in this together.”

There were so very many moments along the way of her (and my becoming) that had me question whether we would ever get here. There were times I projected my dislike of myself on her, and that I wondered if I would be able to get to where we are now.

First, before she was born, when I found out I was having a girl, I was terrified. My relationship with my own mother was tumultuous back then, and I was scared of repeating our fate.

Then, throughout the process of her birth, I sure questioned whether I was going to make it, at least a few times.

And in those early days, when all she did was cry and cry and cry and cry, I wondered how we would possibly get through.

The worst part was just as she began to enter her teen years. 

I had a feeling it would be hard because by then I had learned that Life has a way of forcing us to revisit each and every trauma of our own childhood as adults, again and again, until we feel the pain all the way through and heal it once and for all.

And, there’s been no better catalyst for me to feel everything I’ve wanted to avoid than through the lens of my own children.

They are the ultimate reflections of all that is living inside of us, aren’t they?

So, when my daughter was on the verge of 14, and I snapped at her impatiently just before this photo was taken and we were about to leave for a Halloween party, and I watched her face crumble in confusion, I could sense the foreboding of what was about to come. 

Kaia’s entrance into her teen years would bring me to my knees in a way I hadn’t quite been prepared for adequately.

I’ll be sharing many of the details here in the months and years to come, including video from that time during an upcoming training I’ll host in 2023 on Inheritance, but for today I’ll say that her journey through her teen years led me to understand what it truly means to Mother, and brought me to the beginning of my path of re-parenting my own little one.

Be Her Mother

At 14, I almost sent her away to a wilderness therapy program because I was certain I could not parent her into the woman I knew she could become. But, Life would gratefully intervene and invite me to grow bigger than I imagined possible, and to not just parent her, but myself in the process.

Together, we grew up. But I went first because I realized that if it had to be one of us, it should be me. I needed to go first. I needed to grow the fuck up so I could show up for her. And for myself. And for all of us.

But, first I’d need to do it for me.

So, I did. And in the process, I got to face all the parts of myself that were hard to look at, and all the places in myself that needed to be held, and all the places in myself that I didn’t love, or even like. 

And, of course, it began with my own mother. And my grandmother. I needed to heal with them first. 

I’ll be letting you into that journey starting in just a couple of weeks. Watch this space for an invitation to my first ever Legacy Masterclass Series — it’s coming, and it’s a good one. 

And, you are going to meet my amazing, sweet mom, as you learn to heal with your parents (or your adult children, if you are the parent now).

Here’s a little preview of the branding …

Registration link coming soon! Watch for it.

Growing Pains.

If there is one thing a pregnant woman knows, and then every mother gets reminders about regularly, it’s growing pains. Did you ever get growing pains when you were growing up? The pain of stretching is seriously no joke.

I’m pretty sure that growing Kaia (both in my belly and through her teen years) was preparing me for what was to come here and now. 

There’s no chance in heaven I’d be able to make it through my current growing pains had I not first been motivated to expand my capacity by her.

Now that I’ve experienced the expansion and contraction and expansion and contraction and expansion and contraction of the labor and birth process plus supporting Kaia to grow into a woman I love, like, trust and respect by facing my own insecurities, fears, and shadows and owning them, I get to bring this capacity to hold a huge amount without collapsing into my work in the world, and to my leadership.

Holy cannoli batman, I have wanted to collapse a lot in the past couple of months. I am being stretched beyond limits I didn’t even know I had.

I thought I was well-rooted in who I am, why I’m here, and what’s mine to do. And, Life is definitely testing my conviction and persistence around what’s mine to do.

But, it makes sense that it must.

I’m here to support the transformation of the humans who advise us on legal and financial matters.

By supporting them to transform, they will choose to advise us in full alignment with the values of all of Life itself … 

By supporting lawyers and financial professionals — insurance advisors, wealth managers, and tax strategists — to transform the way they advise us, how they get paid to advise us, and their entire ethos of advising us from the unconsciously extractive models of the past into whole systems models of love, heart, and harmony that are in alignment with the principles of permaculture … 

This is a big mission, and can only be accomplished if I myself have done the work of transformation, through and through. 

I must be incorruptible.

I must be clear on where I’ve been corruptible in the past, and where that corruptibility originates from, and how it gets healed through me.

So Life is testing me to see how aligned and committed I am. 

Life is testing me to see how much I want to support this transformation in myself, and then ripple it out because rippling it out is So. Much. Growing. Pains. 

And the motivation must be as big as the motivation that Kaia showed me was necessary as I gave birth to her, and stayed present with her through her teen years, because this ripple out is requiring me to stretch even more.

I don’t need to ripple it out to make money. 

I’ve got enough now to get off the train and chill out in Costa Rica for the rest of my life.

And, I’ve finally accepted that I do need to ripple the transformation out to feel satisfied with my role in life. 

So, I will accept the tests that come to check how serious I am, and continue to commit, and recommit, and commit again, as needed.

Because it’s worth it, as one of my mentors says “for me, for you, and for us.”

Your relationships with your parents, and your children, and all of Life are also worth it. It starts with your relationship with you, and extends to your relationship with those closest to you, and finally to your relationship with all of Life.

When you are in right relationship, the economy “out there” is irrelevant. What matters is what’s happening in here.

I look forward to showing you the way that’s worked for me, and my relations, next week.

And, in the meantime, happy BIRTHday to Kaia and to me.

With so much love,

Ali

PS … during the time that was the most difficult with Kaia, instead of sending her away to a wilderness therapy program, I took her with me to Costa Rica. And while we were there, we found Stephen Brooks and permaculture, the answers to my dreams of a life in community.

It just so happens that Stephen, and his collaborator Penny Livingston have a free training available for you, if you would love to build community based in permaculture too. You check check it out here. Register to Watch Stephen and Penny’s Community Training Here

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⭐In this free on-demand webinar, Stephen Brooks and Penny Livingston bust through three myths people commonly believe when building an earth-friendly community.

Teaching from their over 50+ decades of combined permaculture experience, they will show you the possibilities of having a community that shares your values and helps the Earth, too.

Plus, learn the secrets Stephen learned from building 3 eco-communities and his most recent endeavor, Alegría Village, which now has over 145 families living together in Costa Rica!

And, last, for our lawyers with heart I appeared on a podcast recently with Sigalle Barnes, and I think you’re going to love it.

I’m excited to share that I spoke with host Sigalle Barnes on the latest episode of the Lawyers Who Lead podcast. You’ll get a chance to hear my heart and find out where I’ve been, where I’m going, and just how many amazing lawyers I plan to bring along with me!

“Our hearts are here to lead and our mind is designed to be in service to the heart.”- Ali Katz

Put this episode on during one of your commutes this week. My hope is that you get so much value out of it.

Click here to easily access the episode and transcript of what I shared: https://lawyerswholeadpodcast.com/leading-with-heart-with-ali-katz/

You can also listen on your preferred platform. Simply search “Lawyers Who Lead” on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts, Audible, Google Podcasts, or Spotify.

This is a big freaking deal …

Do not give up on your dreams because you never know how long they’ll take. And, this dream come true is proof in the pudding.

Last week, Personal Family Lawyer re-launched with an updated brand, updated website, and the beginning of a national marketing campaign featuring the lawyers in our community who are delivering on the PFL Promise in a way that has me inspired and excited AF.

In the next few posts here, I’ll be sharing with you how this all came to be, why living into your dharma creates a reality in which you actually cannot fail (no matter how badly you F things up), and how to break free of the lies that may be keeping you stuck or lost or off-purpose. 

I pray that my journey with PFL is an inspiration for you to keep going when things are hard, or confusing, and especially if you feel lost, as I did so often over the years.

So, here we go … the beginning and middle of the story.

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When I was a wee bit, baby lawyer — aw, look at how cute she was … this was my very first headshot, taken back when I first launched my own law practice in 2003 or so.

That one … she had a dream. A dream of a new way of practicing law. A different way. A better way. Eventually, she coined the term “Personal Family Lawyer” and began to dream of a PFL in every neighborhood.

In service to this dream, she wrote a book, and began appearing on TV and radio all across the nation, sharing about this dream … of lawyers with heart, who loved their clients, and were loved by their clients.

She was a regular on Good Morning America, the Today Show, and Fox, and she really believed she was doing what she came to planet Earth to do. Certainly the external world seemed to be reflecting that back to her.

But, something was off … while it all looked really great from the outside, something wasn’t right on the inside. She didn’t know what it was though.

In her quest to figure out why “success” looked so good, but felt so bad, she almost gave up. She almost said “forget it, I don’t even want to be a lawyer. I don’t even want to train other lawyers. I hate it all. I hate myself. I hate lawyering. And I hate lawyers.”

She felt and thought these things because she was lost, scared and confused.

She wondered “did I really go to law school, and take on $100,000 in loans, and work so hard just so I could make money and help other lawyers make more money? Is this really what my life is supposed to be? Something doesn’t seem right.”

Time and again, she came up against a challenge of having followed all the rules, and in many ways winning all the games, and yet it felt like losing.

Eventually, as she searched her soul, it turned out she didn’t think she could be all of who she really is AND be a lawyer AND help lawyers.

Plus, being in business was really hard given how little she understood about stewarding wealth in the world in a way that felt good, and right, and true and beautiful. Repeatedly, she felt taken advantage of, attacked, caught off guard by the reality of how hard it is to be a leader in our culture … and how little she knew how to protect herself from the sad realities of business, and the dangers of becoming “succesful” in a tall poppy culture.

It was simply too much, and none of it seemed to make sense.

So she walked away from all of it, moved to a farm and filed bankruptcy.

For a year, she did only what she would do for free.  At first, it wasn’t clear what that was. So she drove her kids to school every day, and went grocery shopping, and even cleaned the house. These very normal things were things she had forgotten how to do without help.

So, in the beginning of that year, she relearned how to do the normal things people do, when they aren’t running million dollar plus businesses.

Then, as she asked herself “if money didn’t matter, and I wasn’t making any decisions based on money (or at that time, the lack of it), what would I do?” Call-in radio! That’s what she’d always wanted to do.

So, she launched a show — a 4-hour livestream every week — called The Whole Truth Show.

It’s very sad that there are no longer archived episodes from the Whole Truth Show, as we’re pretty sure it’s the best thing she ever did, and may ever do. 

From there, as she began to get curious with what else she would do if she was only going to do it for free, she found herself doing lawyer stuff, but in a completely new way …

  • She was helping two business women complete a partnership in such a way that it saved their work in the world; 
  • She supported her best friend at the time to launch her estate planning practice, as – it turns out – a Personal Family Lawyer;
  • And, she worked with that same best friend to create a virtual training for estate planning lawyers, so they wouldn’t have to leave their kids, and homes, and offices and travel all around the US to learn how to do estate planning the right way.

This was quite a surprising revelation because she really thought she was done with lawyering, done with training lawyers, and done with being a lawyer … but on the other side of bankruptcy, and the fresh start that came with it, it turned out that the Personal Family Lawyer dream had not died, after all. 

It had just been clarified, honed and refined.

And, it turned out that there was a lot this young woman needed to learn about life, and love, and leadership and legacy in order to hold the bigness of the PFL vision, and the fullness of the dharmic pull associated with it.

The vision would need to wait for her to grow up, and also to figure out how to train enough lawyers to actually fulfill on the PFL Promise. 

Because what she discovered in that year of only doing what she would do for free … PFL wasn’t just about making more money for lawyers, or even teaching lawyers to market their services, and it certainly wasn’t just about what she wrote about in her first book Wear Clean Underwear or even the New Law Business Model book.

Personal Family Lawyer was about a new way of lawyering, and serving clients in a much deeper way, and helping lawyers create meaning in their own lives by helping their clients create meaning in theirs.

It would take time for her to become the woman who could stand for all of this. 

It would take time for her to understand the true nature of inheritance, and legacy. 

It would take time for there to be enough lawyers to serve the clients who would want a PFL for their family, once they understood how important it is to leave your family with the support of a trusted advisor.

It would take time for her to learn to stand in her full power.

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And here we are … 

These past months have called me more into my power than I ever imagined would be the case. 

I’ll share more about that in a future post.

For now, Personal Family Lawyer is here. 

I’ve finally become the woman who can hold it all.  And as we relaunch the brand and change up our offerings at New Law Business Model to accommodate the reality of PFL being back online and at the forefront …  Life is certainly testing me to find out.

More on all that in a future post.

For today, I have a request. Please check out our new Personal Family Lawyer socials, and follow us on one or more of your favorites plus tag me in a comment @thealikatz so I know you checked us out. 

Here’s the link to each:

Thank you for being on this journey with me. For life … and love … and legacy.

Ali

If you are a lawyer, and you’d like to learn about whether PFL is right for you … this is what you want to watch:

Discover Personal Family Lawyer®

Do you offer estate planning services, or create Wills, Trusts, or Health Care Directives and POAs for your clients? If so, I’m ready to share with you how you can use my proven and tested law business model to rediscover your love for the law (in case you’ve forgotten) and get your life back, while making a great living to boot.

In my recent Masterclass, you are going to learn all about Personal Family Lawyer: what it is, how you can become a PFL, and why you might want to, IF you either provide estate planning services now, or have ever considered it.

On the Masterclass, you’ll discover how to build a successful law practice with… 

a service you love to deliver 

clients who are happy to pay you an average fee of $4,500 per engagement because of the tremendously high value on the service you deliver

plus a proven process for getting hired 80+% of the time you talk with a potential client

Register to watch the recording here, now before it’s taken down:

https://get.newlawbusinessmodel.com/dod-aba

Quick Links:

I’d love for us to stay connected! When you connect with me on social media you will be able to be even more in the know about upcoming events and registration details.

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