influexwp

I used to be so insecure and lonely, then this…

December 13, 2015 by influexwp

This Love Letter is a little late, but it’s for good reason. Why? Because I’m in Mexico with 15 people I love and I was packing and getting ready and saying goodbye to friends in Boulder before we left instead of writing to you over the weekend. 🙂

I think it’s worth the wait. As I’ve been dropping in here in Mexico, it’s occurred to me how far I’ve come to get here. And I think you might want to learn to make as big of leaps in your own life and finally step into the life you really, really, really, REALLY want — whatever that looks like for you.

We just arrived yesterday and I’m bringing my daughter out to spend the rest of the week with us on Wednesday.

I remember when I first caught the dream of this reality. It seemed SO far away.

How could I possibly create a life of travel, friends, deep connection, open-heartedeness and the financial resources to support it all?

It seemed so far out of reach.

I was a lawyer in private practice, going through a divorce, extremely lonely and while I was making good money, I didn’t ever feel like I had enough.

Certainly not enough money or time to take a week of time away from my kids and work.

And when I looked online at the people connecting and having fun together, my heart longed for that too. But, I didn’t know how to make it happen in my own life.

Did I mention how lonely I was?

My heart felt as if it was breaking every day when I would see other people having the kind of connection with friends and mentors that I wanted.

Today, the 15 people I am in Mexico with are people I admire, respect and love.

They are entrepreneurs and community folk doing Great Work in the world.

Bryan’s got a game-changing book coming out in January and he’s DJing the best parties in SF.
Eric and Stacey are working together to teach millions of men and women to support others with their health as health coaches.
Jennifer is developing a teaching around power that is already waking people up to how we wield our power most effectively as leaders across
the masculine and feminine.
Jena is changing women’s relationships with their bodies.
Melani, Kim and Gregory are creating the template of a new kind of village, perhaps the beginnings of a world that works for everyone.
Wendy is helping women to see themselves through a new lens.
LiYana is about to become a published author on a topic that has never been written about publicly.
Nisha is changing the face of sisterhood.
Michael brings entrepreneurs to Peru to experience the medicine of Ayahuasca and then supports them to integrate it back into their lives and businesses afterwards.
Mia is guiding men and women to longevity and health beyond the surface.
Nathan is behind the scenes growing the business of one of the most impactful women leaders of our time.

They are parents of little one’s who are being raised in community. Their kids are here with us and I’ll get to bring Kaia out on Wednesday.

Bringing Kaia was not an easy decision.

We’ve never had a teenager on the trip before — all of their kids are under the age of 7 – and it’s definitely brought up some stuff for me and the rest of the crew in how best (and whether) to integrate her.

After much consideration and discussion, they are trusting my guidance that she needs to be here. It’s time for her to know my community. And, I am excited to have 4 days of downtime with Kaia here in Mexico.

One of the things I appreciate most about this community is that they are always learning, growing and evolving to the next level — in business and relationships. Watching and being part of it has stretched me into the woman I am today.

Over the years (I first met this community back in 2008), there were times I couldn’t hang out with this crew because I was so confronted with my own insecurities.

Gratefully though, I saw my push away for what it was and used it as an opportunity to grow the parts of myself that were terrified of having what I most wanted — deep connection with people I truly admired and the financial means to support the time, energy and travel to remain in connection.

Today, I’m able to show up fully. The insecurity is (mostly) gone. (I won’t lie. I still feel it rear it’s head sometimes, but now I know what to do with it).

The loneliness has vanished. I LOVE my time alone now because I am so nourished in community — both this one and my beloved Boulder community.

And, I have plenty of time and money to travel to places like this to be with these people and even bring my daughter with me.

So, how did this all happen? How did I go from lonely and insecure and not having enough money and having to work all the time into a life where I get to go on vacation with the people I admire most in the world?

I’ll give you the first steps here and then I encourage you to join me onDecember 31 when I’ll take you into my Money Map Life Planning Process so you can create the exact life you want for yourself too — all of the tools are there.

Let us know you’d love to join us on December 31 for my 5th Annual New Year’s Eve — create the life you really, really, really, REALLY want call.

This all began with acknowledging what I really, really, really, REALLY wanted. You see, we can never have what we want, if we don’t let ourselves feel the desire, the longing and yearning for it.

Most of us shut down what we want because it can feel SO uncomfortable, out of reach or simply down right impossible.

So we turn it off. We turn ourselves off. And then, we turn off the world around us and settle for less than the lives of our dreams.

We push it away in so many interesting and complex ways, most of which we cannot see ourselves. We simply know we are not getting the results we really want, we’re struggling way too hard and bitterness and frustration begin to set in.

Before that happens to you (or if it already has), please do join me onDecember 31. It’s time to shift beyond that and step into the life you really, really, really, REALLY want, whatever that looks like for you.

Alright, that’s it for now. Breakfast and community is calling me. I’ll be posting pictures of the trip on my Facebook profile and page.

Feel free to follow along there.

Love beyond the beyond,

Ali

Know What You Need: the next step on the path to your freedom

December 12, 2015 by influexwp

Desire, and knowing what you need, is a hot topic these days. Everyone wants it. But, most of the people I talk to who are struggling in ways that feel insurmountable or who are simply stuck in a so-so situation are trapped by one common denominator — they don’t truly know what they want.

For many people, knowing what you want is one step too far away. You cannot possibly focus on what you want if you don’t yet you know you have what you need.

If you are stuck in survival mode, which means that at some level you are nearly constantly believing you are in a battle to provide enough for yourself and your family (even if you have a high income or a big retirement account), the question of what you want is likely nearly completely shrouded by your perceived need to survive.

Your wants are hidden behind the things you believe you have to do to provide. It’s dangerous to consider what you actually want because the likelihood of having it feels so slim that you just keep doing “the thing you need to do” to survive and go through life either in some form of conflict and struggle or in an apathetic, lethargic malaise, fueled by sugar, coffee, marijuana and wine. Or both and all of it.

So what keeps people stuck in survival mode and unable to move beyond the paradigm of conflict/struggle and apathy/lethargy into a paradigm of ease, grace and abundance?

Many things, without question, but one that I’ve seen again and again and again, is what I refer to as “money dysmorphia”, which I define as the distortion that appears around money when you don’t know what you need.

When you don’t know how much you need, it really doesn’t matter how much you have because you’ll still be in survival mode, trying to get as much as you can, well after you have more than enough.

Why? Is it because you are greedy? No.

People who experience money dysmorphia (most people!) simply have a blind spot. You look in your bank account, at your retirement, at your savings and say “I don’t have enough” and I can promise you this, when Money Dysmorphia is running the show, it’s never enough. You could work yourself to death chasing that financial freedom and it will always be just out of reach.

But when that blind spot is illuminated by seeing what you actually need to survive, your mind will relax, stop spinning and sabotaging you and allow you to know what you really want.

Knowing what you want is the key to it all.

I’d venture to say that there has never been a time in your life where you truly knew what you wanted, acknowledged what you wanted, and did not find a way to create it in your life or watch it magically show up.

It’s a Universal Law and when it is honored, it is affirmed everywhere you look. In contrast, when it is not honored, you can oh so easily see the exact opposite — not enough of anything and no way out.

If that’s where you are now, begin to step into the awareness of what you actually need to have the life you want. Then, if you discover you are already there, relax, revel, slow down and celebrate. And, if you discover you are not, create a plan to meet your needs. Stop undercharging or giving away your services for free, and ask for what you really need in exchange for what you have to give.

Heal your money dysmorphia once and for all by getting into right relationship with time, money and how you get paid. And before you waste any more time trying to figure out what you want, make sure you know that you’ve got what you need.

I guess my main question is; what path are you on now and where do you want to go next?

Here is to your liberated life, with your heart and eyes wide open.

All my love,

Ali

xoxo

PS — We are launching a Live Version of Money Map, maybe you’ve heard about this in my Love Letter. If not, be sure to check out our Money Map Program page for more information, and sign up for more information on this launch 🙂

A Surprising Outcome…

December 12, 2015 by influexwp

I’m writing this Love Letter on Saturday night, as we make our way from Boulder to LA for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Me and my ex-husband after hiking ZionKaia is driving. Her dad in the passenger seat guiding her (she has her permit and this is perfect nighttime driving/highway practice), her boyfriend and her brother in the middle row. I’m cozily packed into the way back snuggled in with our pup, Duchess, and writing to you.

We spent the day hiking Angel’s Landing at Zion National Park. Well, me and my ex did (their dad).

The kids didn’t want to do the hike and despite my wish to control them and force them to go, I spared us all and didn’t. If you want to hear more about my thinking on this, watch this video I made from the top of Angel’s Landing (and even if you don’t care about the topic, you may want to watch the video just to see the view.) And here’s where you can see an album of pics from the trip, a video of me hiking up the trail, down the trail and you can check out the newest in hiking fashion. 😉

Speaking of parenting, controlling kids and all that, I’ve started writing about parenting. You can read my series on How to Raise Responsible Kids here. Soon, I’ll post articles there about How to Save Big Money on Your Taxes This Year. Please do me a favor and share them, if you like them.

I’ve been creating a LOT of content and I’m so excited to start to get to share it with you. It feels like it’s been building and building and wants to explode. So much is coming. If you have not yet taken our survey so we know which content you most need fastest, please do that here.

What I am getting so far from the responses that have come in is that the vast majority of you are having the most trouble with making decisions, choosing among options, and focusing. I didn’t expect this — I thought for sure it would be lack of time or money (perceived or actual) and while those are common issues, I’m seeing that the underlying issue may be not knowing how to make decisions.

Whether you are just starting out or reinventing yourself, desiring to make the leap into your own business or have made the leap and now need to figure out the money or time piece to create a life that actually works, I am seeing a universal theme — around not knowing how to decide, choose and/or focus. Really, they are all the same thing.

If that’s true for you, would you send me an e-mail ([email protected]) and let me know? I’m super curious if that’s generally accurate across the board. If it’s not true for you, hit reply and let me know that too.

Thank you. I really appreciate it when you not only read these love letters, but take the time to reply. I read everything you send and respond to as much as I can while also doing my work, raising my kids and living my life. 🙂

And on that note, I’m going to get back to my family and see if I can get them off their phones (the kids have been playing SimCity on their phones with each other, as we drive and I work — what a cool time we live in — maybe one day soon we won’t even need a driver) and playing some kind of a non-device game in our last couple of hours of driving tonight.

Love beyond the beyond,

Ali

PS — if you have not yet taken our survey, please do so here. Thanks!

My birthday week: my secret beliefs + an invitation

November 17, 2015 by influexwp

As I approach my 42nd birthday, today’s Love Letter is a sharing from my heart about a few things I have learned about money and life and purpose over my past 20 years of questing.

42 has far more significance to me as a turning point moment in my life than 40 did. At 40, I still didn’t feel close to the wisdom of an elder. Today, I do. I can feel the shift from seeker to wisdom keeper more deeply than ever.

In the Kabbalistic tradition, 42 is the number with which God created the Universe. And, so many others have ascribed special meaning to the number. I’m experiencing the visceral understanding of why. Perhaps, I can share some of it with you.

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I’m writing this as I drive down to the hot springs with a few close friends to celebrate my birthday. Then, on Tuesday, I’ll be up in the Bay Area to attend an exclusive Love School session with one of the trainers from the ultra-successful Tamera community in Portugal.

I truly wish this freedom and flexibility for everyone. It’s my birthday wish, in fact.

It’s why I do my work in the world.

You see, I have come to see that most of us (including me for so many years), are living lives of pure survival. We live in a Universe of “have to” with little experience of “get to” or “want to.”

From a place of survival, following my heart seemed incomprehensible. Yet, I professed to want a heart-based world. How could I possibly live in a heart-based world of abundance from a place of scarcity or survival.

I couldn’t. And neither can you.

If we truly want to live in a world where there is enough for everyone, we must discover where there is enough for ourselves right now.

I believe that happens when we each know how to ask for what we need in exchange for what we have.

Some folks have an issue with my use of the word “need” — my answer to that is that we cannot move to want until need is met, so see it as a step in the direction we want to go and the first step to living a life of Desire. (If you are one of the lucky ones who already have “need” met and can see that through the collective money dysmorphic culture we live in, you can learn to receive what you want, not just ask for what you need.)

The key to you having this kind of flexibility and freedom, beyond a life of survival, is being able to clearly offer your gifts in multiple ways or in just the one right way that feels best to you (either in a minimal amount of time so you have plenty of time for relationship or in a way where relationships and work are fully merged so you can’t tell which is which).

When as many of us as possible are living beyond survival, the world becomes a far better place.

Today, I am giving thought to how this worldview and my Desire to help as many people as possible step into lives of empowerment and possibility intersects with the realities of a world at war.

As the terrorists bomb Beirut and Paris, I know the answer is not to allow the actions of war to distract me (or you) from a life of peace.

All we can really do that has any impact is recommit to our own quest for harmony and peace within ourselves and in our individual realities.

By doing this, we will build the parallel universe we want to live in, incorporating the ancient wisdom into this new age.

Does this mean not to have compassion for those who are suffering? Absolutely not. It means to use your compassion to fuel the fulfillment of your own life purpose, even more.

You are here for a reason, I know it. I suspect you do too and you are somewhere along your journey of discovery. It’s likely that your lack of economic freedom is creating resistance for you on your journey.

The good news is that, if that’s the case, you know the next step on your path. Be willing to enter or continue the quest to earn an income in alignment with the life you truly want. If you aren’t experiencing that yet, it’s the worthiest goal you can seek to attain next.

You will find yourself along the way. You will almost surely step onto the road less traveled. And you can do it while fully integrating all of your parts, masculine and feminine, naive and wise, playful and sage.

If that means building yourself an income that will support you to get to Greece to support the refugees coming ashore, do that.

If it means, staying in your current “here” and building the infrastructure to support your local community (yourself, your immediate family and local friends), do that.

If it means, finding a job that gives you the time and space to go within and do the inner work necessary to find your big “D” Desire, do that.

For my 42nd birthday, I invite you to join me here, out on the edge, on the road less traveled. If you are coming along, e-mail me ([email protected]) and let me know.

Love beyond the beyond,

Ali

PS — My brand new, integrated Ali/Alexis website is launching! For years, I had a confusing online presence with one site for my Alexis Neely media and another for the Ali/Alexis split. I was told by business coaches I needed to kill off one or hide the other. I refused, not possible, there must be another way, I said. Well, this has been the year of integration and I am so excited to show you the merger.

PPS — I made a live recording on my Facebook page about how sometimes we cut off with the intention to create more connection, why it’s not working, and what we can do instead. You can watch it here.

Give It Time

November 5, 2015 by influexwp

Time has been on my mind this week.

Sixteen years ago, Halloween 1999, I went into the hospital, a slow leak in my amniotic sac, and the doctors decided it was time for my baby girl to be born. 28 hours later, I gave up my birth plan, and Kaia was born via C-Section on Nov 2, 1999.

Tonight, I hosted her sweet 16. My 42nd birthday is in just a few weeks.

Time is on my mind.

Did I use these years well? Could I do better?

Yes and yes.

And…

If I had it to do all over again, knowing what I know now, I would do a lot exactly the same.

What I would do differently is stress less about not enough time and learn sooner how to better manage it.

My ability to manage time (sometimes it almost seems like bending time given how many things I am often juggling at once) could seem like a superpower, unattainable to most.

But it’s not. I have created a system that is likely to quadruple your productivity while at the same time freeing up more space in your life for the things that truly nourish you.

In honor of my daughter’s 16th birthday and my BIRTHday 16 years ago, its my gift to share with you my system for how to manage your time like a single mom with two businesses, two teenagers, a relationship that requires dedicated attention, and a large extended community.

Are you ready to stop feeling as if you don’t have enough time and become a time ninja?

They key is a methodology I have learned called time blocking. And what it means is that EVERYTHING you need and want to go goes on your calendar.

If it’s not on your calendar, it doesn’t happen. Period. That includes kids activities, job duties or business tasks, massages and meals. Everything but sleep.

If someone else handles your calendar, their life is about to get way better because they’ll be able to see exactly when you have blocked to schedule specific types of meetings and events that are integral to your work and life.

We have found that what works best is to create a template calendar in google calendar and share it with everyone who schedules on your calendar.

Mine looks like this.

Then, I have a calendar where things are actually scheduled.

You can see that here:

And I also have one for the kids activities.

When you look at them altogether, it could look insanely full or overwhelming, but I have found that a small amount of complexity allows me to create so much more time that it’s worth it.

You are worth it.

And thanks to this time blocking I’ve implemented, I now typically only work from 10-6, with flexibility in the day when I need it, and time to spend with my kids, in my relationship and with my community. Plus, the ability to travel.

If you want more time, this is where you start.

I want to know what questions you have about time blocking and how you can manage your time like a ninja.

Then I’ll make a training as my gift to you to ensure you don’t just desire more time, but that you can actually have it.

It has been 16 years since my baby was born. And the time keeps on tickin’, tickin’, tickin’ into the future. Let’s harness that ticking and funnel it into the work you are here to do and the life you are really here to have.

What’s it going to take for you to take back your most valuable asset? Seriously, let me know! E-mail in at [email protected]

With so much love,

Ali

An Ode to Monday

October 29, 2015 by influexwp

Last Monday, I entered the Priestess Temple with some of the women who are nearest and dearest to my heart.

Women that I dreamed of and longed to have in my life ten years ago. Women who have watched me emerge from the goo of my cocoon into the chrysalis of my butterfly and are now witness to my near-complete transformation.

It was in San Francisco. On a Monday.

A full day away from work, and family, and life with a little “l” and into the heart of Life Herself. The most nourishing form of self care I can imagine, the arms and hearts and medicine of my Sisters.

Julia, the sister who organized the gathering (and who is one of the most inspiring examples of “how to sister” that I know), reminded me while I was there to see the significance of this happening on a Monday.

For most of my lifetime, I have dreaded Mondays. Mondays were the day I had to stop doing what I wanted to do and get back to the program. Mondays meant commute. Mondays meant work.

Mondays meant my freedom was over for another week.

Now, Mondays mean whatever I want them to mean. Usually, that’s coaching our Law Business Success Coaches, leading my Executive Team Meeting and reviewing financials and sales metrics. And, that’s all because I’ve decided that’s what I love to do on Mondays.

I do all that from my home, either at the kitchen table, up in my bedroom or on the back patio. My laptop travels.

And on occasion, I can shift it all up and spend a Monday afternoon and night with my Sisters, in ceremony, doing the real work.What’s amazing about this is that I was able to create this Ode to Monday in my life even while running two companies, each of which is immersed in multiple BIG projects, raising my kids, and being a friend and partner to my beloveds.

So my invitation to you, whatever you have going on in your life is to create your own Ode to Monday. Go to your calendar right now and pick a Monday some day in the future, and mark yourself out of the office. Then, plan something you consider luxurious.

It could be a picnic with your pup in the park. Or, a mani/pedi date with a friend. Or a full on Priestess Gathering or Bro-Down. The best part about your Ode to Monday? You get to create it!

Then, begin to consider how you might be able to shift whatever you currently do on Mondays to make it more enjoyable. Use your calendar to block off the time for your highest priority, highest impact activities. That’s how I chose mine, so I could begin the week with what’s most important.

If you are still in a job you don’t love, block Mondays (or part of them) off for the activities you need to engage in so you can make a transition into work you do love.