Before I get into why I walked away from the opportunity to be in documentary series with Brian Tracy and Neale Donald Walsch, I want to thank you.
I am feeling infinite gratitude for the amazing responses to last week’s Love Letter. Through your gorgeous messages to me sharing your own experiences of being called beyond your comfort zone, I felt heard, seen, understood and loved.
If you didn’t get to read it, we’ve posted it on the blog here.
I am also feeling infinite gratitude for the amazing response we have already had to our email calling for applications from those who want to be one of the next two people who join our Money Map Masters Founder’s Group to guide themselves and others into right relationship with (and freedom around) time, money and work.
If you want to know more about that and missed the application, use this link and we’ll send you the email I wrote about it.
Now: why I gave up the opportunity to work with my idols.
A couple of months ago, I was contacted about what at first glance appeared to be the best opportunity ever. Opportunity of my dreams!
A production crew wanted to feature me as the third leader in a documentary series that is filming groups on a “live your bucket list” type adventure.
They thought I’d be the ideal bridge between the two luminary men also featured in the series — Brian Tracy, the business/mindset guru, and Neale Donald Walsch, spiritual teacher — both of whom have been instrumental in my own awakening.
I was honored and excited. I loved the idea of being featured with these two men who have so influenced me.
And, I loved the idea of taking boomer parents and their millennial, gen-x and gen-y kids on a journey that would heal the inter-generational divide. I had already been thinking I wanted to create an event for these parents and kids and this seemed like the perfect possibility to make it happen. Plus, I’ve always wanted to film everything, so this seemed like the ideal chance to work with the people I desired AND have it filmed.
As we got into the details of it though, it just wasn’t clicking. I didn’t feel a soul connection to the activities the production team was proposing for the adventure. And, I began to consider the investment for the families to participate and found myself wondering whether it would be worth the cost and why they would want to pay to go on this kind of an adventure and then be filmed in the midst of the type of intimate experience I was imagining.
Even though I so wanted it to work, it wasn’t making sense in my heart.
In the past, I would have wanted it so badly that I would have ignored my truth and compromised to make it work. I would have twisted and contorted myself just enough to be a fit for what they wanted, sacrificing my own deeper knowing of what was true.
I could have made it work.
This time though, I didn’t. I let the opportunity go. With shocking ease.
A few years ago, letting go with so much ease would have been unimaginable. I was sure I had to pursue every opportunity, make it all happen, and, as Nike has been telling us for years, just do it.
Today, I am so clear that I’m complete with that energy. It’s not necessary for me anymore.
Now, if you are still in the “push” stage, and have the energy for it, I do not want this message to dissuade you from continuing to push. That’s really important. Because I so value all the pushing I did over the past fifteen years. That push is what got me here, to the point where it’s no longer necessary.
I see so many people who look at their parents or older friends who have already made the push and think, “they aren’t pushing, so I don’t need to” and while I am open to the possibility that maybe they truly don’t, only time will tell. And in the meantime, I am extremely grateful for every moment I’ve pushed.
And, I’m glad to know, it doesn’t last forever.
How do you know if you are ready to give up the push, yourself?
If you would have told me a year ago this time that I’d be ready to stop pushing, I’d have said no way. I didn’t even know what that meant.
I thought that giving up the push meant some version of getting into bed, turning on the TV and spending the next 60 years eating and watching Netflix. Or perhaps, working a 9-5 job as an executive in someone else’s company, bringing their work into the world.
And there was no way I wanted either of those realities. So I kept pushing. But, over the past year, I’ve begun to reconnect with a part of me that I referred to in last week’s Love Letter as Oneness.
In many ways over the past several years, Oneness has been quietly, gently, steadily suggesting I might be ready to question the pushing. Until this past year, I wasn’t really ready.
The personalities with the loudest voices have been keeping me going and drowning out the voice of Oneness, nearly completely (though not entirely, I have heard Her for years), until just recently.
When presented with the possibility of stopping, Alexis Neely’s voice would yell “no, we must keep pushing! There’s not enough yet”. Usually, that gets interpreted as there’s not enough financial security yet, we need more money; while the truth is that I have plenty of resources to have all the money I need at any moment.
While not financially free in the traditional sense (big 401k, paid off house, and plenty of savings to travel is how I think most people see it), I am financially liberated in the new economy sense (I know what I bring and can ask for what I need in exchange, in each moment, and I always have what I truly Desire).
But, like most people, I suffer from money dysmorphia (more on this in the future) and it shows up in the form of Alexis’ rally cry to not stop, ever.
Then, there is Ali Shanti who says “come on, we can do this! We need to do this thing because it will help us make the connections we need to do our work in the world”. Usually, that gets interpreted as we don’t know enough people yet, we need more contacts; while the truth is I am now 2-3 degrees of separation away from anyone I could or would want to meet.
When I dive deeper inside, beneath the loud voices of the personalities that have inhabited my being for so long, I find a much quieter voice. Quiet, but powerful. Clear. The voice of Oneness. She says no. She says we have enough. Money. Friends. Connections.
It’s time to stop now.
Alexis and Ali both yell out “but if we stop, it’ll all go away. We’ll disappear. No one will love us anymore.”
While I can find evidence for that story, I can also see the long string of stories that create that story and simply aren’t true.
I’ve been motivated by generations of lies. Passed down like treasured family heirlooms. Perfectly crafted for my own evolution.
It was these lies that have inspired me to get out there and push for so long. I’m am so grateful for them. They scared the shit out of me. And, they served me well.
I am in awe of what I created with the push of fear at my back. I can say for certain that the lies I told myself to create the fear was exactly what I needed to create exactly what I did.
Two businesses doing service work in the world and making enough money to support more than 20 people. Two kids who are turning out to be people I love spending time with. Multiple communities of friends who I sometimes have to pinch myself that I get to be friends with.
It’s time to shift. Being pushed by fear of loss no longer serves. Are you fully ready to be pulled by your desire instead of pushed by fear?
A year ago, my fear of loss would have caused me to squish myself into the box that the production crew making the documentary series would have needed for me to participate in the series.
Now, I can confidently let it go because I know that I do not have to be afraid of losing anything, ever. That which is meant for me, will always be mine. And that which isn’t, can be seen, appreciated, valued, and let go.
Knowing my true Desire is the key. I truly only desire that which wants me as well. I never believed this before. I thought I only desired that which did NOT want me. A surefire recipe for unhappiness, if I’ve ever heard one. (I’d love to hear your experience with this. Come on over and share your experience with me.)
I find this awareness to be rippling through every area of my life. Relationship, parenting, business, clients, team members, friends, all of it. And, it is now shifting into right relationship with Desire, that results in a lot more letting go, a lot less pushing and a lot more allowing of what’s true.
I’m not in bed watching TV, nor compromising my life in any way. I’m simply not trying to make anything happen anymore that is not meant to and finding that there is so much more room for what is, which happens to be exactly what I really want, which (and here’s the kicker!), I didn’t even know.
If you are ready to stop pushing and starting allowing in what you really, really, really, REALLY want (which wants you too!), here’s what’s worked for me so far:
It began with me noticing where I am taking action from the push, from the fear. It can be hard to see it because it’s so deeply ingrained. I probably began this way of operating as a baby, learning to contort herself so as not to lose mommy and daddy’s love.
But over the months, I have gotten better and better at it. Now, I can see the push, I can see where I am desiring to move from the push of fear rather than from the pull of desire, but it’s really only just in these past few weeks that I’ve been able to actually stop the movement from the fear and wait and only move when I feel the true pull of desire.
Remember, I thought stopping the push meant getting in bed, pulling the covers up over my head and watching TV for the next 60 years. I thought it meant the end, giving up, throwing in the towel to some degree.
If that’s part of what’s keeping you in the push (and not a true experience of joyful pushing), I want you to know that’s not what it means to stop.
What it does mean is to go deeper inside and discover what you really, really, really, REALLY want. Beyond the surface voices. Beyond the generations of fears. Beyond, beyond, beyond. Until you can hear.
I am listening.
What I am hearing is the voice of my Desire. She is quiet. And sure. She doesn’t care much what others think. She knows what is true for Her. I can feel Her in my heart. Months ago, I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready. I am now.
She says the push is complete. It’s time for the pull of presence.
She says “Do your work. Run your companies. Raise your kids. Write your book. Start your show. Serve your people. Serve yourSelf. There’s no more to get. You have it All. It’s time to give.”
“Give beyond what you ever imagined possible. Not because you want to or need to get anything, but because you love it. Because your Core Desired Feeling (from Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map process) is Generosity.”
Yes. So this week, I invite you to begin to look deeply into where you are motivated by the push, where you give to get, where you say yes because you have to (not because you want to), where you act more from fear of loss than you do from joy of anticipation and just begin to make note of it.
Awareness is the first step.
Practicing this awareness over these past several months is the thing that has given me the ability to hear this deeper inner voice of Desire buried beneath the fears.
I Desire this for you too. This Knowing. This ability to let go of even the best opportunities rather than twist or contort yourself in anyway.
The ability to end even the “best” relationships rather than sacrifice any of your most true Desire.
The ability to know when to stay and when to go, in every moment. And to trust at the deepest level. To trust yourself.
And that my love, is it for today.
Love beyond the beyond,
PS: Last week, I shared a rant on Facebook about the frustration I feel hearing the bad advice business coaches are giving to creative and artists who have multiple interests. If you are someone with multiple interests yourself who has been trying to shove yourself into a box to create success, you’ll want to read the post.
In it, I shared that this advice often causes creatives and artists to get stuck — maybe you’ve seen that yourself in your own life of “much” — and that the answer isn’t single focus, but instead what I call “polyamorous business” — check out the post if you want to join the polyamorous business club. 😉
Then, if you want to hear me take my client through the process of creating this business model, finding the cohesion point among all her interests and then mapping out a model that incorporates all parts of her artistry into a single business with multiple revenue streams, you can join our Eyes Wide Open coaching membership and download the recording of all past coaching calls, including last week’s — and listen in as I coach Amy and learn how you two can combine all of your interests into one cohesive business model.