It’s the last week of my 30s and I had strong intentions to spend this week creating new. It’s not happening and if I let myself wallow in it, I feel a combination of frustration, angst, anger and surrender.

Instead of making space for the new, I allowed two big sales events to be scheduled — one in each business, which means I’m upleveling programs and products, webinars and sales pages. In both businesses. At the same time.

“The last week of my 30s,” my mind huffs dramatically.

This is the week I was going to launch a new dramatic web series, create a massive new platform to unite women throughout the world in sisterhood, get new photos taken and host a big ass wedding for Ali Shanti + Alexis Neely.

Instead, I’m doing what I’ve been doing for years. I guess it makes sense that this week would not be about starting anything new and instead would be about closure.

And, when I stop to truly consider all of it and quiet my mind down for a moment, I am so grateful that I “get to” spend the last week of my 30s this way.

Ten years ago: the last week of my 20s, I only dreamed of this reality. 

I was just starting out in the world of business. I had only been in my own practice a few months, I had a 6 month old baby and a 4-year old at home, and it was starting to hit me that having my own law practice was going to require a lot of me.

I dreamed of a time when I could do all my work from home, not have to go into an office (even if it was my own) and when I would make a significant impact in the lives of many people.

Today, that is my life.

Craig and I took the kids + our partners Corey and Anna Whitaker to the Dominican Republic where I got to speak at the Zentrepreneur business mastermind hosted by Vishen Lakhiani of MindValley and then we got to attend Awesomeness Fest (check out the pictures on my Facebook to get a sense of it).

Dream come true.

This week, I get to share the Money Map program with hundreds of entrepreneurs in Chris Brogan‘s Human Business Works community, and I know without a doubt that these are just my kind of people.

Plus, I get to educate hundreds of lawyers about the New Law Business Model way and our Personal Family Lawyer and Family Business Lawyer programs so we can select the next 12 elite lawyers who will get to benefit from our systems and training.

Dream come true part deux.

Dreams coming true all over the place and yet my mind is wallowing in self pity at what’s not happening. (Craig and I are playing a relationship game in which I get to notice whenever I do this and shift it.)

I want to hide that from you and pretend I’m always positive, enlightened and cheery.

But, the truth is, I wallow sometimes. I have pity parties. And I forget how good it is.

So here I am. The truth is out. And, boy, do I feel a lot better. Not only because I told you, but because by writing this out and being with it here with you, I was able to wake up and get beneath the bullshit of my mind to what’s really true.

I’m fucking living the dream.

And, the dream is shifting.

I can feel myself in the liminal space — the space between how far I have come and how far I have yet to go.

Ten years from now, when I look back on this night, I will remember that this was the night the seeds were planted for something new.

For The Way We Are Now web series. And the Sisterhood. The Ali Shanti radio show. And the next two books. Plus, the wedding.

It’s all happening. Even if I don’t start any one of these projects before I turn 40.

I can surrender into the divine timing that has me here the last week of my 30s doing what it feels like I’ve always done so I can create space for something new.

And I can decide to do it differently.